I wish I had put Ex-Lax in the potato salad
I got slimed today.
The day started out well enough, with a self-administered colonic that looked like the entire Mississippi River was coming out my ass. Good times.
But then later I went to a potluck that had been advertised as a group working with the Law of Attraction. And I found out how easy it is for people to misuse the law - to exploit it for their own material gain.
I was really excited to meet other people into manifesting and spiritual growth, and the woman I spoke with said that it was a great group of people - really friendly and supportive. Since it was Sunday, and the potluck was going to be in a park, I threw on a T-shirt, cutoffs and sneakers, and went off to the group.
When I got to the park, all the women were wearing dresses and/or heels. And they were talking about a product, an herbal drink on the table. [Danger, Will Robinson!] They started telling me about how great this product was, that one woman there lost 35 lbs. with it (of course she admitted she also started exercising because she felt better). I’m like, fine, I’ ve seen and tried hundreds of these multilevel marketing drinks, and none of them ever did a damn thing for me. Ever. Except one of them - Royal Tongan Limu Juice - gave me an earache.
I’ve seen so many MLMs blow through town, and they rarely last. Even Young Living, one of the few MLMs that actually has a positive effect on me, does not inspire blind devotion, as I’ve never made a dime off them, their price rises are frequent, and I only buy what I truly need.
There didn’t seem to be any form to this gathering, no formal introductions or “check-ins,” so I asked how they use the law of attraction in their lives, attempting to start a spiritual growth conversation.
“Well, we’re all part of this business, and our abundance flows from it!” one of them said.
Oh.
I asked one of them how the product had affected her, expecting her to say more energy, less fatigue, something like that. Instead she said, “The business! I get people calling me all the time to order more of this stuff! It’s great!”
She asked me about my massage practice and then said that some massage therapists put a drop of this product in their clients’ mouths before the massage, and it totally relaxes them!
I said, “You administer this product to your clients?” And she said yes. I said, “But that’s prescribing!” I said. “No, it’s not! It’s just a lozenger!”
And then everyone got very quiet.
I was beginning to sense my professional ethics weren’t attractive to these people. I knew then that I should leave. To satisfy a final curiosity, I poured myself a shotglass of the magic elixir they were so pumped up about. I found it tasted remarkably similar to all the other multilevelly marketed elixirs from a deserted island in the South Pacific where the inhabitants all live to 120 years of age. I asked if there were any side effects, and they said no. However, a woman with an infant papoose on her chest came and sat down, and when I asked her how she liked the product, one of the other women told me that she couldn’t use it because she was breastfeeding, and pregnant and breastfeeding mothers shouldn’t drink it.
You know, I am not pregnant or nursing, but you think they might have asked me these things! These people were true victims of MLM ignorance. With so much emphasis on marketing, nobody really knows what the hell they’re selling.
I know that a lot of people who saw The Secret are using it to Get More Money to Buy More Things. The slime oozing off me is from this group misrepresenting their multilevel marketing meeting as a spiritual support group. They weren’t looking for spiritual growth enthusiasts; they were looking to entice people to become part of their downline. They weren’t seeing me as an equal; they were seeing me as someone to make money off of. They should have been up front with this, and they weren’t. Blecchhh.
I needed a strong antidote. I needed sushi.
When I got home, I wiki’ed ginkgo biloba, one of the ingredients in this drink. It’s a stimulant, ferchrissakes. No wonder why they were all so perky. How the hell would it relax a client? Not to mention they were wrong that there are no side effects. But whatever. I’m going to go lie down now and forget this happened. I have an earache.
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You call that sushi, to me, it looks like a yummy biscotti.
It’s actually fairly sweet for sushi. Have you ever had tamago? It’s my faaaaavorite.