Turning a Page, or Four
A few years ago I learned how to do tarot card readings, thanks to The Idiot’s Guide to Tarot Card Reading. It’s actually a good primer (the Idiots & Dummies series usually are) for doing basic readings on yourself and friends. About a month ago, I was contemplating relocating to Arizona and starting a whole new life in blissful 115° weather. Yet a job possibility here was on the horizon, and I wasn’t sure if I should take it or not were I to be offered it. When I did a reading on not taking the job in favor of going to Arizona, a curious thing happened. All four pages came up. That had never come up in a reading of mine before, and when I went to look it up, found that the presence of four pages can indicate ’serious illness.’ That alone made me rethink Arizona.
However, it seems the pages found me anyway, even when I stayed behind and took the new job. Enough so that a well-known medical intuitive looked me up and down at a psychic faire this weekend and said, “You’ve got that IBS/Crohn’s thing going on, haven’t you?”
Blink. I hadn’t thought about it til that moment, but in googling IBS later I saw I had each and every symptom of it (or something like it). My symptoms had increased in severity in the last week - I developed the ominous change in bowel habits - with my intestines barking and whining each time I ate something they didn’t like. The problem is, they don’t seem to like anything anymore.
I would hate to think my nice warm colon baths aren’t enough to overcome or manage this, or worse, would be contraindicated for it. I am hightailing it to the doctor stat. If it is IBS, my case is mild compared to a lot of IBS sufferers; I don’t need to seek out a restroom every five minutes. But the monkish discipline of adhering to an even more restricted diet does not make me jump up and shout, “Yay! I have IBS!” In fact, it makes the Horror Diet that much more genuinely Horrific.
I know I’ll adapt to whatever, even if it means eating only okra and parsley for dinner, if I want to keep living on this planet, and with as little pain as possible. It’s a real shame considering the work I’ve been doing to make food my friend. But I guess my friends are going to be a smaller, tight-knit group of fruits and vegetables.
Whether or not the cards and the medical intuitive are right, I need to stack the deck in my favor, possibly crafting my own set of Tarot cards, as these folks did.
I’ll be the Page, the Priestess and the Magician. I will totally need his boots.
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