‘Helminthic’ sounds like such a nice word
I think it was Napolean who said something like, “You can tell me your problem as long as you tell me it’s solution.” Not exactly a warm fuzzy dude, but I reflect on this sentiment whenever I’m feeling a fair bit sorry for myself. A couple of weekends ago, when I was first getting acquainted with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I certainly felt rather hopeless. Never having had upper abdominal pain before, I sincerely thought The End was near and that life as I had known it was over. Grab the prune juice, Percocet and a box of Depends.
And yet.
A solution lay here, in these very pages I type. Up in the masthead there sits a singular fellow, a hookworm. A parasite of some distinction, it physically hooks its teeth into the intestinal tissue of its host and holds on for dear life. I chose good ol’ Hookie because of his fearless stance, his anthropomorphic scream and the ick factor that creepy crawlies generally provide.
And yet. I don’t know how I came upon this source of information, but here is the answer to my intestinal troubles. Hookworm therapy! Oh yes. According to this site, people in Africa, who are often infected with the hookworm parasite, don’t suffer from asthma, IBS, Crohn’s or other autoimmune diseases common in the west. The hookworm, in the gut of an autoimmune-challenged person, would function like a probiotic, such as acidophilous, which is “good” bacteria. Allegedly, various autoimmune diseases can be put into remission via ‘helminthic therapy.’ Of course, side effects of a hookworm infection can include diarrhea and abdominal cramps, so I’m not rushing out to get a parasite of my own. I can just down a Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust pizza and get the same results.
This company charges $4900 to give you a parasitic infection (I am rethinking my entire career) with necator americanus, which eerily translates as “American murderer.” Or you can just go to Africa yourself, and wade around in the dung of the indigent. Now that is a tough choice.
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