The Value of Good PR
I recently received a request, as I do from time to time, for a massage ‘plus.’ Since my focus as a massage therapist does not include ‘plus’, I politely decline the man’s request. Yet the emailer is pretty persistent, even offering me a nice sum of money for the extra ‘work’. I tell him IT’S OUTSIDE THE SCOPE OF MY PRACTICE and that he should go west - specifically to the plethora of gentlemens’ clubs on 82nd Ave. Somebody there must be okay with delivering ‘plus’ to this man.
But of course the emailer doesn’t want someone at a divey strip club, he wants an honest LMT. As if. But ever the helpful person I am, I go looking through the erotic section on Craigslist to see if I can play matchmaker for the hornbag. And I come upon this photo:
And I think, My, she looks constipated. Does she need some psyllium? Maybe some laxative tea? Is she cramping? Did her enema go badly? Coffee up the butt can be rough. My mother was right. Sometimes your face does freeze that way. Is she desperately hoping you’ll partake of her services so she can pay the water bill and be able to take a bath? Or afford some nail polish in colors besides vampire black? Is she faced with having anonymous sex with a 350 lb. ogre in a hard porcelain bathtub? That would make me hurt. And while being constipated, too. Poor dear.
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