And for my next trick…
So yeah, I almost died last week but I’m all better now. In the wake of a homemade HCG cocktail gone awry, various medical opinions thought I either had a dangerous blood clot, a life-threatening venous air bubble, or a killer charley horse. I’m guessing that it was the last one, as it got better […]
Dying to be Thin (an unsent letter to my mother)
Dear Mom,
I think I’ve come to know, over the years, how much you love me. It was a leetle hard to tell during adolescence. And every now and then, a reminder wouldn’t hurt. I know most of your love for me is unconditional. I also know how much you wish I was thin. So much so that I […]
HD Village Idiot #3: yours truly
It’s amazing how bright the colors are on the streets - the red-roofed gas station, the stark sienna branches of bare trees, the skylight pouring down 30 feet of bright white sun inside a clinic. And the sounds are so incredible, too - roadhog diesel trucks going by, Latino children laughing and shouting in Spanish, angry cars […]
Rescued and Remedied
Well, I am down 3 pounds today, which isn’t surprising considering the monstrous hunger ravaging my insides yesterday. But the remarkable thing is that as soon as I took a drop of my wonderful new sublingual elixir, the hunger vanished. Poof! I was amazed. Credits for divining the mixture go to Erilyn, an RN on one […]
I WILL EAT YOU NOW
You’d think with the crap festival I had this weekend, there’s no way I could possibly be hungry today. But midafternoon rolled around and I had a big ole case of the grumbellies. I don’t know how it was possible but I was hungry all through dinner. There I was, eating sauteed tilapia and fennel […]
Eets only weffer theen
Oh. My. God. The best cure for obesity has got to be forced feeding. If I eat one more corn dog, I’m gonna blow. [Note: This Monty Python video contains material of a gastric and graphic nature.]
I knew it would be difficult, and I don’t even think the hcg injection had anything to do with it. Some people say […]
Strap a feedbucket on me and set me on the couch
This weekend I have decided I’m going to start the HCG protocol. Saturday and Sunday will be My First HCG HiFat Marathon, with two full days of gorging til my pants explode. This is crucial, and actually some people have reported difficulty doing it, once they take the HCG shot. This would be tragic. This would be an […]
Maybe I should start with heroin
Were you to know me, you would know that when I clean my house I’m procrastinating something. Today I have totally been a white tornado of clean, tearing my house apart in search of rogue specks of dust, cat litter, farm animals - anything I can find that might need a touch up or a routing out.
I […]
A Very Raw Christmas
Before too much time goes by, I’d like to tell a Christmas story. For Jewish vegan raw food enthusiasts. On Christmas day, we twiddled our thumbs and thought about going out to a Chinese restaurant. But no - St. Chanuklaus tapped me on the shoulder and in his thick Yiddish accent, said, “Vat - ah yu cvazy? […]
Why does life never seem to get past high school?
“When kids hit one year old, it’s like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit…” - Johnny Depp
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