I am driving myself to drink
In the previous post on the Body Drought, I included a video of this Dr. Michael Borkin, an expert on adrenal fatigue, lecturing to what appears to be a group of doctors. If you didn’t watch it, about halfway through, he mentions daily water intake. Common thought is that a reasonable quantity per day should be half your body weight, in ounces. That is, if you weigh 150lbs, you should drink 75 oz. of water per day, which comes out to about 9 glasses of water. He suggests 2/3 of your weight in ounces, and then says sometimes, in some cases, you need to increase water intake by 100%.
To illustrate, a patient of his, a 300lb. woman with no apparent disease process going on came to him and he prescribed an intestinal cleanse for her to take with a quart of water per day. However, she thought that instead of taking 1 quart of water a day, she was supposed to drink FOUR GALLONS of water per day. Shouldn’t he have tested her for DEAFNESS?
Anyway, a year later, she reported that she had lost 180 lbs, just by drinking this much water. One hundred and eighty pounds. In a year. They say that inside every fat person is a thin person struggling to get out. I think that’s wrong, because it’s obvious an elephant and a grand piano were stuck inside her.
Now, Dr. Borkin’s math happens to be off, because at 100%, 300 pounds-cum-ounces computes to only 2.3 gallons. This patient was drinking almost 200% of her weight in water. She is damn lucky he gave her that horse pill cleanse, which must have had necessary electrolytes (sodium, potassium, magnesium, etc.) to keep her heart and lungs functioning. Because she could have died, floating off to heaven on the wings of a heart attack.
Instead, she’s running around now in a hot pink bikini, shopping at Victoria’s Secret, winking at the boys and enjoying all the benefits of life as a thin woman in the western world. I’m sure of it. And hey - lucky her.
I am now actively downing a gallon of water per day, sometimes mixed with Emergen-C, sometimes not. I haven’t noticed any change at all, because I may have been drinking that much before; I just am now paying acute attention to it. Drinking 2 gallons of water per day would put me at 100% and is something I’ll slowly ramp up to, likely concomitant with an intestinal cleanser. One would think that even one gallon of water daily would be enough to make a colon shine, but a casual survey taken over the last four days of my butt’s inactivity says no. There has been no change in the speed or quality of my waste removal system. And that is just so depressing I’m going to hang myself with packets of chocolate Ex-lax strung end-to-end. And then I’ll come back and tell you about my crappy weekend. And then we’ll hold a pity party, whine to our heart’s content, and go home. The end.
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