Born every minute
Over the past few months I’ve mentioned a few things I wanted to give an update for. I had bought both IntraMIN and IntraMAX, liquid mineral supplements power-packed to make life wonderful, fast! When I mentioned to the company that after 3 weeks on IntraMIN I sadly wasn’t experiencing the same benefits as those in their website testimonials, they said that I probably wasn’t all that minerally deficient. Yeah. Except for the amazing and terrifying charleyhorse I had 3 months ago… They said what I needed was IntraMAX, that it would give me the energetic boost I was looking for. Well, 2 weeks on that netted nothing. Now, maybe I am being unfair, because some things take a lot longer to to work, but I found my legs were getting a little crampy on IntraMAX, and stopped when I stopped taking it.
On the other hand, if I really want an energetic boost, I can just switch to meth.
I also bought a parasite zapper, a contraption that for anyone who knows physics is also known as a square wave generator. So twice a day I was sitting in a non-metal chair, devoid of metal jewelry, holding copper cylinders attached to a white box with a switch on it which was wired to flat copper foot pads and trying not to feel hoodwinked by the internet.
And again, I think meth might be the answer, because peering intently into the toilet bowl every day, searching for signs of creepy crawlies only made me feel, um, weird. Well, actually it was the ease with which I have been suckered into believing testimonials and buying crap online that makes me feel like a fool, but same diff.
My latest purchase is a parasite cleanser called Humaworm (the ‘hu’ pronounced like ‘human’). A lot of people on Curezone rave about it, and it was fairly inexpensive, so I took a chance. It’s a bunch of herbs - garlic, pau d’arco, cloves, wormwood, black walnut, etc. - that will kill a range of stuff - parasites, candida, bacteria, etc. If it’s effective, that is. It’s a 30-day program, and people talk about releasing tapeworms and liver flukes and all with it.
I’m 101% positive I don’t have a tapeworm, because if I did, I’d be just skin and bones. Still, there’d be an odd joy from seeing something that long slide out my ass. Like, wheee! My malabsorption troubles are gone! And, so long, SUCKERRR!!!!
But I’m only on day 4, and I haven’t noticed any die-off reaction or any odd-colored, odd-shaped life forms in the loo. But I’m ready. My bathroom’s all set up. I’ve got vinyl gloves, a collection bag and a digital camera to mark the experience. And a barf bag, in case whatever crawls out of me is so heinous my stomach won’t be able to contain its emotions. I can only hope, and that one day I will find the culprit to why I have no energy and can’t lose weight. And one day, THAT SUCKER WILL PAY.
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