Urine Tripper, Day 2
Daredevil that I am, today I increased my dosage of wee to 15 drops under the tongue. And again, there was no taste to speak of, just a slight accent of salt and a warm cuddly feeling of time travelling back to life in the womb.
And then I got a damning frontal headache. And then a vaccination scar on my left arm started to itch and itch and itch.
And later in the day, as I was heading to a meeting, I got an instant message from my colon that it was needing to make a special delivery. And so I made a left turn into the closest water closet, and sat. And sat. And sat, my gut cramping up and my ass growing more humiliated at why I was going to be late to the staff meeting, and what I would say if pressed.
Finally nature called, and before skulking out of the restroom, I turned and looked at my creation. It was a nice, well-formed log with bits of wild rice in it, which was odd because I haven’t eaten wild rice in over a month. And then I looked closer and saw that it wasn’t wild rice but an 11-piece mariachi band, whom I invited to my staff meeting and so never had to explain my tardiness.
And once at the meeting, my staff completely apologized to me for all the horrific scheduling errors they had made since I started working there. They got down on their knees and said how ashamed they were of their constant ineptitude, wailing that they were sorry they couldn’t give me anything more than butt-faced mediocrity.
And then the ghost of Timothy Leary appeared, winked at me, and I quit this crapfest of bureaucratic nincompoops job and moved to Phoenix.
Would more people try UT if increased their intuition or fantasy life?
Someday soon I’ll be up to a cup of U a day. Or more. For someone who has never taken ANY drugs of the recreational sort, ever - the glee with which I’m looking forward to hallucinogenic properties of drunken pee is, um, interesting. I think my urine is sending me back to freshman year of college. And this time, I’m enrolled at the U of Me.
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